P.S. I love you

Review

OK so I get a review like this:

yeah, um, not to be rude or anything, but you might want to do a few
more conjunctions. i mean the story's great and all, but i just think
that it's not quite as good when everybody's talking like a computer
rampaging, not trying to be rude.


I am assuming that this person is referring to dialogue amoungst the characters.

Is this an issue? I mean, just about ALL the stories I have read do their character dialogue on seperate lines. doing something like this:

The dog said, "Ruff?" The cat, purring contently replied, "Meow"

Just doesn't look right. I don't know.

This is taken from an upcoming chapter:

“Hey, how was the exam?” Kelly asked, folding her legs in to sit Indian style on her bed.

“It was hard, but I think I did alright,” Baby answered, setting her books down on her desk and taking a seat in her chair.

“Good, glad the year is finally over. Summer is here!” Kelly exclaimed, waving her arms in the air with excitement.

SHould I be putting some of this together like this?

“Hey, how was the exam?” Kelly asked, folding her legs in to sit Indian style on her bed. “It was hard, but I think I did alright,” Baby answered, setting her books down on her desk and taking a seat in her chair. “Good, glad the year is finally over. Summer is here!” Kelly exclaimed, waving her arms in the air with excitement.

This person signed anonymous, so I can't reply to them to ask them to elaborate.

Dialogue is a pain in the butt and I hate to write it because it usually is alot of one liners that I try hard to fill in actions as well.

Argh, I banned anonymous reviews because I want to be able to have people elaborate for me and so I can look at what they write to see their style.
P.S. I love you

Beta?

Anyone want to beta the first chapter of my Dirty Dancing story? If I don't hear from you before 5pm eastern and you reply, I will have to send it to you monday since I don't have net access at home.

I am not 100% about this chapter and am hoping for some input. I would really like someone who is familiar with the movie, who is willing to toss ideas around as well as catch any boo boos I might make.

Just reply here with your email address.